grandma shit on top of the toilet
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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