I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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