I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Someone came in the potted fern
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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