I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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