im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
