Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
