She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
