i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Randomize
