I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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