the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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