I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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