Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So many bounce houses so little time
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
