Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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