Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
