oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I bet he comes in French.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
