dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
