she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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