Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
