i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
