Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
