so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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