So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
