Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
