New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
