Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
