I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
be right there i have to get my cape
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
