One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
as a side note pls kill me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
