he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
