i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
