bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it glows. i had to have it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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