My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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