don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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