There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
