I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
