Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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