His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
