My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
