doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
