At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
