If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
