My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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