Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
