And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
