You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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