I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
