Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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