I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
