Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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