my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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