I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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