it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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