You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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