Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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