I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
