How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
