She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
